Frozen Thoughts 004

Moments of Madness
5/03/08

Moments of madness get hold of me .At that time i feel desperate. I would feel stuck caught cant do anything.Just madness .Desperation that makes me feel so insane.Some feeling of something flowing through my head.Cant understand what it is but it leads to desparation. Is it the tip of the iceberg or just common desperation . I know i need help but where can i go. Who will i go to . Its like how saul used to feel a moment of madness and desperation i guess, How do i deal with it or react to it :)- I am on a high without getting drugged. Emotional high which pulls me down low . Cant face any problem want to run away from it .Dude i am gone crazy.Only God can help me .

Frozen Thoughts 003

Sunday October 29, 2006

Oh what a fool am i

what i want i do not do and what i do not want to do i do

i want to do this and that i want to be nice to people but i am not able to be all that i want to be

all that i want is not what i've got

All in pain and in vain living a life thats as Good as chasing the sun

Trying to make sense but it sounds like non sense

Working to be better but ending up bitter

Trying to be a winner but ending up as a whiner

Oh what is this life ive lived i really dont

Please do try understand the matter

i m typing this with great anguish

Oh lord wont u understand my position

Selfish as i am trying to work out my salvation

Lord help me to be all that u want me to be

But its too tough to go beyond the first step

I m trying to make sense by my endless escape routes

Hoping tomorow will be better

But why doesnt it make no sense

Pain is too much to bear

People really dont care

They are all about themself

but so am i

i try to do be nice

but they take it for granted

i try to be holy ppl take me to be a dolly

oh its tough

it does not make sense to me

i dont know what to do

i took my cycle and traveled far and wide

expection that that moment of madness will never ever return

But the great part of maddness keeps haunting me back

Hurting those i love the most

thats the most painful part

i m trying to be nice

but i hurt them more often than not

i did reconcile

but the hurt will still remain

Lord its u who has to help to take away the pain

and i apologise to all with all my heart for all the pain

caused because of my madness

i want to love u with all my heart

but my love for u is not deep enough

i m gone mad and crazy yes

Whos gonna help me out of the wretch i am in

Lord help me lord

i m in miry clay

when u gonna pull me out of this shit i a m in

Take away the madness that haunts me

day and night

and help me to love

just as u love me now

:)

Please put sense in me
to be a better person lord

Frozen Thoughts 002

Brittle clay i am, in the tender hands of my master.

God is working and molding my dreams and my attitude.I hold certain things dear to me and i have asked for it. I am not claiming it. I know, he who created me knows the best. Just as he said, i ve asked him for something. When a child asks his father for bread, will his father give him a stone? I also know that when a child, out of poor judgment,does ask for a stone, the Father will not give him the stone, but will educate him gently and slowly. Similarly i believe God is working with me in every step that i take slowly, but steadily working in me.The process is tough, the wait is long. Every moment u anticipate his response.But i can see he has brought me this far and i know he has made me a better person through the journey. I've learned a lot .Even if i don't get what i ve asked for i know that i've come a long way. And i know that i am in the tender hands of my Master.